A whisper in your ear…

I pulled the window screen out of the backseat of my car and headed into the store. It was the end of summer, still so warm I kept the windows open at night. The little heels on my pointy boots clicked along the tile floor of the store, alerting him of my presence. Steven managed the store, and was there almost every time I went in. He was dressed in tight jeans that his ass filled out perfectly. His cell phone bulged against the front pocket. A plain heather gray shirt and black boots completed the look. His gray blue eyes connected with mine immediately. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
“What did you tear up now trouble?”
“One of my screens has a little rip in it. I either need a new one or this one fixed.”
“Let’s see it Quinn, can‘t trust ya with anything.”
He took it from me, looked at the rip, and let out a laugh.
“I can fix it. Come on over here with me.”
I trailed behind him to a room in the back, trying to stop myself from smiling. There were no other customers in the store and the workers were busy putting away some new product. He started working on it, as I leaned in next to him to watch. My hip was very close to his and I could feel the heat radiating off of his body.
“Is it a pretty easy fix?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, it will just take me a few minutes.”

Pent up frustration was seeping out of my nails thrumming on the table. I wanted him so badly. I wanted to feel his lips against mine. His mouth hungry for all I could give. I had been keeping in it so long.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, just a little awkward.”
“Awkward? Why would that be?” His head tilted in confusion.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Next I knew, my fingers wrapped around his bicep. His eyes moved to my hand, realization dawning.
“Really?”
I could barely make out a “yes”, so I added a nod just in case.
“I knew I had a reason for calling you ‘trouble’.” Eyes sparkling.

He turned his body to face me the rest of the way. Hesitantly his strong hand slid beneath my hair to rest on my neck. I pressed into him and lips touched lips. It started almost chastely, but as his mouth opened to mine I grabbed onto his waist. The small of my back hit the table. I leaned a little and he followed, not allowing my body to leave his. His hands found my breasts, pulling them out of my bra, nipples burning for his touch. His teeth scraped along my shoulder. Tip of tongue making circles on my pale skin. He pulled back for a moment, looking me directly in the eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about this for months.”
“Me too. Ever since May.”
“Exactly the same. That day, at the park.”
“Yes. I couldn’t keep myself from looking at you. Then and anytime after.”
“I had to stop myself.”
In a mass of urgency I undid his pants, pulling him out. Wrapped in my palm, thumbing the tip. He let out a little groan against my neck and found the end of my skirt. His hands slipped underneath, rough against smooth thigh. Pushing my skirt up from the inside. He lifted me by the hips barely onto the table. My thighs straddled him, squeezing him closer. He pushed my black mesh and lace panties to the side, giving him access. He swirled my clit until he had to put his other hand over my mouth to catch the sounds.

I lifted up for a heated kiss, as tongues caressed one another, he found me. I hooked my hands around his neck. Back arching as he moved in me. My thighs found the rhythm of his hips, urging him on. I stifled a cry, his hands pulling me closer still. I pressed a kiss on his lightly rough jaw. Fingertips stilled on my back, pressure from each as he came. We stayed in that intimate hug, each face in the others neck as we tried to catch our breath.
“Steven??” An employee from out front. All that had needed done was complete.

*This is only the second story I wrote.*

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Posted on February 8, 2011, in Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Well done 🙂 You should write more stories !

  2. Only the second story you ever wrote? That’s surprising. It seems you are quite experienced. I guess you’ve done other types of writing.

    A Whisper In Your Ear is a sweet and hot tale that seems realistic. You have an excellent sense of how to build sexual tension. The first paragraph draws us right in. I’m going to break it down and tell you what I especially like.

    I pulled the window screen out of the backseat of my car and headed into the store. It was the end of summer, still so warm I kept the windows open at night.

    I’m thinking: hot sultry nights, not much clothing, perhaps a thin shorty nightgown, sexual arousal, and an open window that a passerby or your neighbor can see right into.

    The little heels on my pointy boots clicked along the tile floor of the store, alerting him of my presence.

    This is a gem of a detail—the particular sound of a woman walking in little heels and how it alerts men that a woman, dressed sexy, is coming.

    Steven managed the store, and was there almost every time I went in.

    You give Steven a name. He becomes a real person, and you let us know that you notice him every time you go into the store.

    He was dressed in tight jeans that his ass filled out perfectly.

    This is a line that is not my favorite. It seems a bit vulgar, akin to: she was dressed in a tight shirt that her big breasts filled out perfectly. It’s not terrible. You didn’t use the word big as I did, but I would write this more subtly, more suggestive and less explicitly about body parts. For example: I loved his jeans. They were not so tight as to be vulgar but fit to a tee. I especially liked the rear view.

    His cell phone bulged against the front pocket.

    I’m not sure what you mean. Do you mean within his front pocket? Or do you mean hooked on his belt against his front pocket? Or do you mean: The cell phone on his belt drew my eyes toward the bulge, down low, between his pockets.

    A plain heather gray shirt and black boots completed the look.

    You might be surprised, but this line is one of my favorites. It’s not the boots but the plain heather gray shirt that does it for me. This phrase tells me that Steven has taste and cares about his appearance. He does not wear a shirt with buttons and pockets. I see his shirt as a tasteful tee shirt made of expensive cloth and with no pocket, a shirt that allows you to see the shape of his chest and shoulders. He is a good looking man, knows it, and is pleased to show himself to you, to anyone, to any woman, especially. And yet the color of his shirt is subtle. It is not red, yellow, or even green. It is a color that says I know I look good, and I am proud of my appearance—I work at it—but I’m not a showoff.

    Note: I go to work every day in black jeans and a tee shirt of a muted color with no pocket.

    His gray blue eyes connected with mine immediately.

    He has blue eyes, but again he is not blatant. His eyes are gray blue.

    A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

    This line is again not a favorite. It seems a bit amateurish to write that a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. I would write something like: He smiled at me. Or, I liked his smile. Or, I like the way he smiled each time I came in.

    You see what I mean by you are good at creating sexual tension. The story has barely begun, and we already feel how terribly attracted you are to Steven.

    I could go on, but rather than more line by line analysis I will say that the writing is very good, technically and emotionally. It stays fresh and its many details make the characters and their actions real and arousing. The end is especially nice, and a strong ending is important.

    We stayed in that intimate hug…

    I love that line.

    …each face in the others neck as we tried to catch our breath.

    I love that very much, too.

    All that had needed done [doing] was complete.

    And what a fine final sentence. Yes, all that needed, all that I needed, was complete. Menaning, you had your orgasm. Each of you had an orgasm, together. I’m sure you’ll go back for more.

    I’d read your erotica anytime.

    Matthew

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