let it go; it won’t be long now

The most common sexual conversation the Hubs and I have been having for around six months is the debate of anal sex. I’ve always felt myself an open and adventurous person but this has consistently been a ‘no’ coming out of my mouth. A little backstory..

When I was eighteen, bright eyed and curious, I had a ‘friends with benefits’ situation with a twenty-three year old. He had obviously done a lot more than I had, and was very open with his past to me. I knew that a previous girlfriend and he had done anal frequently. I was interested, intrigued. Finally one night I decided to give it a try. A little liquor in me, (but in no way intoxicated) I felt ready.

Here’s the thing, I barely remember the lead up, or even much about it. Other than the fact that it was extremely painful. I ponder now if there wasn’t enough lube, if I just wasn’t ready, if he wasn’t the right one to try it with. I do remember that he was very gentle and understanding, once the tears sprang from my eyes he withdrew. Never did we try again.

This was seven years ago, and I can’t get over it. I can’t push away the memory of how horrid it was. Even though I really want to try it, my paranoia is overtaking my desire. I’ve told the Hubs that when I am ready, I will definitely let him know. He is a somewhat of a flip-flopper on this subject. While we fuck he begs me to stick it in my ass, then later will say he was just fucking around. He’s used his fingers some, normally I am okay, sometimes I have to tell him to stop. I have even told him that his cock is so big it intimidates me. Yet, I love for him to just touch it, for him to fuck me doggie style his body hitting into it hard, or pushing my ass cheeks apart.

This is definitely the one thing I am trying to open my mind to. Even buying some expensive new lube recently, hoping to let him know, it won’t be long now…

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Posted on December 6, 2011, in Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. It’s a matter of training your body to relax those muscles and that can take a long time. Rushing will guarantee failure. Even now, after so much success, I can hurt Sophia if I move too quickly before she’s ready. Good luck. You have the right attitude.

  2. Maybe try those different size butt plugs and work you way up and then he can move in, like Ken said, slowly and with lots of lube. 🙂

    Good luck lets us know how it goes…

  3. As they already said…all about training one to relax and having the right partner as well. You’ll figure it out, no question as the former takes work…and seems you have the latter.

    Stranded

  4. I don’t think you should have to do anything that you don’t want to do. There is so much anal sex in porn that it’s one of those things — like shaving your pubic hair — that people feel they have to do.

    It could be that it’s not for everyone. I hate eating cheese and I have no intention of continuing to try it in the hopes that one day I will get used to its fetid taste.

  5. I completely understand your feelings regarding this. My last girlfriend (who I was with for around four years) had similar thoughts when the topic was brought up in the very early goings of our relationship. One night, while watching a movie, she curled up to me and said, “Do you wanna try *that*” obviously hinting towards anal sex. She later told me that she wanted to surprise me by asking me that, that she’d spent a while thinking about it. Long story short, everything went great, but here’s the thing, the foreplay lasted… wow… a long time, I mean close to an hour if not more. There was a lot of kissing, licking, a bit of fingering and a lot of overall touching involved beforehand. I didn’t just slide right in, either. Nice, slow entrance. After that day, anal sex became a regular staple in our sex life. We still ‘took it easy’ in the beginning every time, though, for obvious reasons, but after we’d get into it, the sex would be so close and passionate. For what it’s worth, to give you an idea of her body, she was about 5’4″, curvy, bubble butt. Every experience was great, but we were both patient, she was relaxed most of the time and we had a lot of wild fun. What can I say? I’ve always been a butt man!

    Hope everything goes well. Please update with how everything goes! 🙂 Anal can be so hot when done right, but if you don’t like it, that’s completely fine. Woody hates cheese (how in the hell?! Haha!), and that’s cool. I hate tomato sauce! Wait, why in the world are food analogies coming into play here? Haha. 😛

    • I have to comment on the end of your comment first. How the hell do you hate tomato sauce?! Lol. It is true, not everything is for everyone. I suppose I should throw in a food I really dislike, sadly all I can think of is lima beans. 🙂

      That’s for your input. We have yet to try still. I think the problem is the relaxation. Sometimes I can’t relax enough for him to go down on me even, I end up in a mass of giggling because I can be really ticklish. I think I will have to be in the right mindset for it. I have a feeling part of this issue is the fact that he wants to just jump right on it. It’s like he has no concept of trying to work me into it. So, I am working myself into it. I will definitely write a post if I ever get over my fears and let it happen. 🙂

  6. It’s like he has no concept of trying to work me into it. So, I am working myself into it.

    Well, for what it’s worth, these sentences here tell me why you can’t seem to muster up the courage. It’s not even about you having a traumatic past, which I too had when we tried anal with Wonderboy, but about the fact that he doesn’t realize he has to do much more than just jump right in. Because of the traumatic past I have I’ve sometimes been really scared of intercourse – I like it, but the fact that he can just put it in in the wrong moment and I can’t stop him makes me super stressed. It could work, if you said – for a period of time – that you want to explore it, but you get to say *when* anything goes in the butt. Like he can caress your butt, but not even insert a finger before you say so.

    Also, a technical help: if you don’t like pain like I do (sometimes, mostly) shea butter (mixed with a little jojoba oil) is the best, best, best lube for anal sex, because it doesn’t dry out and it’s super rich and also eadible and totally organic. I’m really, really small and WB’s really, really big, but with shea butter I’ve sometimes managed to stay totally unharmed!

    Also also, I got some great orgasms from anal, so even though you don’t have to try it, it can be wonderful after a try or two (or 5 like in my case). Just… make sure your hubs can appreciate that it’s not as natural to you as it is to him (he uses the same cock – for you the butt really is not self-lubricating and meant for entrance and so is trickier) and that he really needs to listen to you and your body for you to be comfortable with it.

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