treading so soft and lightly

secrets

Every late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, it’s a ritual for me to check Postsecret. Last night, this one was a few down, and I was struck with thoughts. How many people have been through something similar to this?

I know that while the things I may want possibly seem tame, my very vanilla husband, can’t quite grasp any understanding of them. It’s been over a year and a half since I first mentioned that I was interested by “open” relationships. I had always joked about interest in women, but I also brought that to the forefront. After the huge fight we had, where I thought I honestly might leave, we kinda just dropped it. But it has consistently hung over us like some dirty fog. Anytime anything even remotely related to people going outside of their  relationships is mentioned, he gets almost furious. The interest in women bothers him less, but I feel it definitely still grates a little.

I wonder how long this will stay with us. The fact that I was open and honest, and he shut me down. Pretty much acting as if there was something wrong with me. I wonder about the secret writer, does it still hang over him or did she actually believe he was joking?

I know other people who have dealt with similar things, and I think it leads to resentment on the part of the honest party. When you love someone, and that person can’t love you for who you are… It’s sad.

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Posted on May 6, 2012, in Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. The most important part to a successful sexual relationship is being able to be open and communicate what you are into. You cannot help who you are or what you are into, you were completely appropriate in trying to be open. That rocks girl! I promise you this their is something that he is into thats not vanilla and he is not ready to share it with you! Everyone has a little sexual freakiness. I think you are AWESOME!

  2. As someone that was there almost 2 yrs ago, I can say I feel your pain girl. The wounds heal, not completely because they leave scars but even those with time those scars fade as well.
    I am not longer angry, sad and disillusioned by his actions and his hurtful words toward his feelings BDSM and D/s. It is sad.. sad that he will never know all of me.
    V totally believes me when I retracted everything and said it was just a phase I was going trough. 😦
    I have forgiven him, it’s not his fault he is the way he is, and moved on from those awful months and now I am trying to figure out how badly I want to pursue this D/s lifestyle.

    I have no answer since I am still trying to figure it all out.. If I find it I promise to share it with you. 🙂
    *big hug and a kiss*

    • Well… I understand your feelings on forgiveness. I’ve actually said to my husband that we are all entitled to our own opinions, so he should respect mine as I respect his. Although he has not really asked if it was something I still want. I tend to brush it off. I’m happy to have someone, (you) to share in the confusion of life. 🙂
      And I want the books!

  3. Oh and I also love love that site. I have all their books. 🙂

  4. Hey girl, we went through a discussion like yours a while back. And we bounced back up and are even better now for facing it.

    http://pasthurt.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/sex-with-someone-else/

    Hope this helps. Hugs.

    • Ah, somehow I missed that one. I just read it. I do understand my husband’s feelings, and at one point you had said something about how it can probably work for some people. And I know that he is just not one it could work for. He has some issues with trust, and I stupidly didn’t really think of that. He’s quite the serial monagamist and I can’t really imagine him any other way. :-/

  5. People change, so all hope’s not lost. My wife and I nearly got divorced 20 years ago because I was adventurous and hot for exploration (it wasn’t about sex, just so’s you know). She was as unadventurous as could possibly be. I was shut down and was expected to adapt to her desired lifestyle. Now she’s saying out loud that we should really try this or that, things I wanted so long ago. Part of me is just going with it while another part can’t help but be bitter because it’s really too late for 80% of what I wanted. To hear her say “we should have done that when we were younger” makes me very bitter. So, although I started this by saying people change, a good part of me thinks I should have left then. Maybe I should have left then.

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