Category Archives: Uncategorized

in love with the dark side I’d found…

hair pull ruero

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naughty wordle

I heard about the site www.Wordle.net from another blog. You can put in the address of your blog, and it will take your most used words to make a pic. Took a little chance, and this coolness came about:

wordle naughty

delicate

 

 

 

girl on top naked Damien quote

Picture via: http://nakedness.pie0.me/

dreaming of…

 

“Dreaming of you pushing up to me,
And I know where it’s gonna lead.
I’m dreaming of you rushing up to me,
You know it’s where you want to be..”

-Bombay Bicycle Club

Image via http://empressofkink.tumblr.com

medicated

1253497253happy

in each others’ shadow we grew less and less small…

lost_in_your_forest_by_cerque-d2xhy76

“Lost in Your Forest”

 

Colours_and_Concepts_by_Cerque

“Colours and Concepts”

I love this guy’s artwork! To check out more go to:

http://cerque.deviantart.com/

this one’s for me…

Sometimes there’s an itch, and you want to scratch it so badly.. I have that itch, but it’s as if my hands are tied above my head. The more my hands try to loosen, my wrists chafe. Frustration mounts. My mind cries out for help. Finally exhaustion looms, the battle is lost. Sleep until another day. Another day, not able to scratch.

 

I guess I’m no good.. I guess I’m insane.

While reading: http://cheatingmyself.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/mental-illness-and-cheating/

It got me thinking about how I’ve recently been pondering my mental status. I’ve said, more than once, “maybe I need to go back on medicine, could it be my bipolar showing up?”. I have yet to discuss this with a doctor, I almost don’t want to. I can’t imagine having to tell a doctor, that I don’t know, “I told my husband I would sleep with other men, with his permission. Is this my bipolar?” The numbness I felt while on medication previously, isn’t something I would necessarily want to repeat. But- what if I don’t really want these things? Okay, maybe I’d still want them, but would be able to push it out of my mind easier. Is it the impulsive, promiscuous side of my nature just pushing through?

On the numbness issue, I’ve never felt as numb and devoid of all feeling as a couple of weeks ago. Everything was a fog, a haze. One day, I woke up and that nothingness had lessened. I’m still depressed, I still feel impulsive. I am actually feeling though.. At what price?

all this pain is an illusion…

Today, was my first day not feeling depressed in a while. If I allow myself to dwell on problems, it would return. Instead, I’m thinking of a smile I saw today. I’m listening to Tool and realizing, that maybe I’m not as fucked up as I thought. I’m wondering where my life is leading. I’m reading a funny book. I’m napping while dreaming of being hugged. I’m feeling a little content with my looks. I’m resting my head on my puppy, while he licks my nose. Today, I’m noticing the little things. Today, I’ve had that smile to console me.

Surfaced with the blame…

After our conversation last week things have been odd. He had told me, not to worry about it. Apparently it was as if I had never said a word. As days pass, I’m noticing his increasingly veiled comments.
“Were you attracted to him?” Nods in the direction of a guy.
“Yes.” No point in withdrawing the honesty now.

“I was at her house earlier.. I’ve been going over there quite a bit.” He’s joking..
Trying to bait me? See if I’ll act jealously?

I am left pondering, is he coming around to the idea? Or just making me think that telling him was okay?