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spiced honey

Hands find the hem of her silken shirt
Tugging higher
As it ripples over her head
His spiced honey waves
Curl around her slender fingers
Easing him to tip down
Teeth catch her lower lip
She opens to him
Tongues dance in fevered play

Slow with agony
He unleashes the button of her jeans
Heart thumping with each tick
Of her zipper
His clothes still gracing his beautiful skin
She leans into him
Breasts against pure cotton
Her hands seeking
Fingertip grazes inside the band of his briefs
No doubts

Tumbled as one
His body covering hers on the gleaming floor
Her hands clutch strong shoulder blades
Stuck out from the strain
Thighs welcome hips
Smothering all fear
The moment is here…

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storm

sunshine cloudspicnik His eyes are a meeting
Of the summer blue sky
And a late afternoon storm

She imagines being able
To look into them freely
Across a table
Hovering over her face

Her stomach catches
Breath stutters
When he turns that
Charming broad smile
Her way

His hand slid forward
Fingertips graze her arm
Eyes fluttered up
Realization sparks

The slight crook of her smile
Yes
The answer is yes.

I guess I’m no good.. I guess I’m insane.

While reading: http://cheatingmyself.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/mental-illness-and-cheating/

It got me thinking about how I’ve recently been pondering my mental status. I’ve said, more than once, “maybe I need to go back on medicine, could it be my bipolar showing up?”. I have yet to discuss this with a doctor, I almost don’t want to. I can’t imagine having to tell a doctor, that I don’t know, “I told my husband I would sleep with other men, with his permission. Is this my bipolar?” The numbness I felt while on medication previously, isn’t something I would necessarily want to repeat. But- what if I don’t really want these things? Okay, maybe I’d still want them, but would be able to push it out of my mind easier. Is it the impulsive, promiscuous side of my nature just pushing through?

On the numbness issue, I’ve never felt as numb and devoid of all feeling as a couple of weeks ago. Everything was a fog, a haze. One day, I woke up and that nothingness had lessened. I’m still depressed, I still feel impulsive. I am actually feeling though.. At what price?

curiousity kitten..

I’m thinking that listening to Counting Crows is probably a bad idea in my current frame of mind. I find myself relating to the girls he’s singing about. 🙂

there will come a time…

This is my song at the moment…

all this pain is an illusion…

Today, was my first day not feeling depressed in a while. If I allow myself to dwell on problems, it would return. Instead, I’m thinking of a smile I saw today. I’m listening to Tool and realizing, that maybe I’m not as fucked up as I thought. I’m wondering where my life is leading. I’m reading a funny book. I’m napping while dreaming of being hugged. I’m feeling a little content with my looks. I’m resting my head on my puppy, while he licks my nose. Today, I’m noticing the little things. Today, I’ve had that smile to console me.