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treading so soft and lightly

secrets

Every late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, it’s a ritual for me to check Postsecret. Last night, this one was a few down, and I was struck with thoughts. How many people have been through something similar to this?

I know that while the things I may want possibly seem tame, my very vanilla husband, can’t quite grasp any understanding of them. It’s been over a year and a half since I first mentioned that I was interested by “open” relationships. I had always joked about interest in women, but I also brought that to the forefront. After the huge fight we had, where I thought I honestly might leave, we kinda just dropped it. But it has consistently hung over us like some dirty fog. Anytime anything even remotely related to people going outside of their  relationships is mentioned, he gets almost furious. The interest in women bothers him less, but I feel it definitely still grates a little.

I wonder how long this will stay with us. The fact that I was open and honest, and he shut me down. Pretty much acting as if there was something wrong with me. I wonder about the secret writer, does it still hang over him or did she actually believe he was joking?

I know other people who have dealt with similar things, and I think it leads to resentment on the part of the honest party. When you love someone, and that person can’t love you for who you are… It’s sad.