After our conversation last week things have been odd. He had told me, not to worry about it. Apparently it was as if I had never said a word. As days pass, I’m noticing his increasingly veiled comments.
“Were you attracted to him?” Nods in the direction of a guy.
“Yes.” No point in withdrawing the honesty now.
“I was at her house earlier.. I’ve been going over there quite a bit.” He’s joking..
Trying to bait me? See if I’ll act jealously?
I am left pondering, is he coming around to the idea? Or just making me think that telling him was okay?
“I only want to be honest.” That was a lie. Honesty is not skirting the truth. Saying I was curious, was the truth. Saying, I want this, was the full truth. I was scared, I thought I should ease into it. I dipped one toe in, then said, fuck it, dove all the way. I guess it was the boldness of my nature, to completely say it. “I would sleep with other guys, if it was alright with you.” He almost ignored the statement. Brushed it away like a bad dream. As it festered in him, he blew up. I panicked, I love him. I want to be with him. Although, my statement, yes, it was true. You can’t turn something into fiction that large.